


Testing the Water

by westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist



Category: The West Wing
Genre: F/M, Post Bartlett Administration
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-11-30
Updated: 2009-11-30
Packaged: 2019-05-15 04:01:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,711
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14783229
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist/pseuds/westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist
Summary: Josh, Donna, and the results of a test kit."Who said anything about getting married?"





	1. Getting Her Feet Wet

**Author's Note:**

> A copy of this work was once archived at National Library, a part of the [ West Wing Fanfiction Central](https://fanlore.org/wiki/West_Wing_Fanfiction_Central), a West Wing fanfiction archive. More information about the Open Doors approved archive move can be found in the [announcement post](http://archiveofourown.org/admin_posts/8325).

Title: Testing the Water   
A/N- takes place after Undue Influence, but before Sneaking In. (Other stories by me)  
Disclaimers: Not mine. Not at all.  
Feedback: please oh please

Testing the Water  
Chapter One: Getting Her Feet Wet

 

I think it was the little smiley face that made me shout “No!” and fling it across the bathroom. And I know it’s just some kind of cruel irony, the universe’s little joke on me, that made it ricochet off the tile, bounce into the tub and slither down the drain. And that’s why I am currently probing the drain with a pair of tweezers, because the last thing I want to do is to explain to a plumber that there is a pregnancy test stuck in the bathtub drain. 

I blame Annabeth. 

If she hadn’t been sick two weeks ago I would have stayed in Washington. 

It would have been Annabeth , not I who accompanied the first lady to Paris. 

It would have been Annabeth , not I who stepped off the plane behind Mrs. Santos. 

Annabeth, not I who smiled and waved to the President, and Josh. 

And you see that’s where it really all fell apart, because I thought it would be cute and sweet, and really it was undeniably hot and lustful, and you’d think I’d know stuff like that by now, but I guess I don’t. 

There were about two seconds of pure surprise on his face before it got dark and steamy, and I know the First Lady noticed because I could see her lips twitching. And that’s something you need to know about Helen Santos. She enjoys watching her husband’s COS go right off the deep end…which is probably why she suggested I should keep this visit as a surprise in the first place. 

All I could do was try not to look him in the eye and I was only moderately successful.   
The afternoon was interminable because it was filled with photo ops and meetings, and the only time we had a chance to talk was right at the airport, where the press was all over the place, so all I got was a quick and chaste kiss, and “This is a surprise.” And all he got was “Annabeth has the flu,” along with a smile and a glance through my eyelashes, which was enough to tell me things were going to get interesting later.

We were in the limo with the President and the First Lady, so there wasn’t a lot of conversation… well there was a lot of conversation, but it was all… you know… about nothing, and the whole time Josh held my hand and stroked his thumb over my knuckles, and every time I caught his eye I felt like I was going to catch on fire. 

Then there was an interminable state dinner with both the President and the Prime Minister, and at least someone had pulled whatever strings they needed to seat me beside Josh, but it’s not like there is any private time during an event like that, and other than the fact that I don’t think his hand left my leg for more than about two seconds, we didn’t really have much communication until the reception when we danced. Probably much to close for propriety but by then we didn’t care.

“This is nice….”

“I wanted to surprise you.”

“You did that.”

But you see that’s when the surprise part of this little plan reared its ugly head because neither of us packed condoms. Well in my defense Josh usually looks after that kind of stuff, and in his defense he wasn’t expecting me to show up and oh hell… it was a stupid gamble and if you know anything about Josh and gambling you’ll know that he has crappy luck, and I guess so do I……

All of which brings me to today, and the mood I’m in. The little smiley face was really the last straw.

Why did I buy that particular one? .… I mean a nice pink line would have somehow been easier to take, but I just grabbed the first one I saw at the drugstore because Washington is kind of like a small town, and I really didn’t want anyone who knew me to see me, and god knows I didn’t need the shampoo, conditioner, toothpaste or tampons that I added to the basket as camouflage. Especially the tampons, as it turns out.

This can’t be happening. We’re only a year and a bit into the term, and even though we’ve talked about kids it’s only been in the theoretical sense, like someday, or when… then…I mean we haven’t even talked about getting married… not that I don’t want to,… but I’m not really sure Josh wants to, …..it just didn’t seem to matter that much until….Dammit. I like the way we are now….. and I mean, I’m not sure when we’d have time to plan anything and…Oh my god! It just slipped farther down the pipe.

I keep trying to form a coherent thought but my mind is in panic mode, and I can’t seem to think things through clearly.

The internal monologue has been brutal, because let’s face it, I’m more than thirty now, and even though part of my brain is shrieking ‘No! I don’t have time for this right now’ the other half is calmly saying, ‘Well, if not now, then when? You can’t wait forever.’ And truthfully I know this is happening regardless because… well, because it is, dammit….Because choice is also the right to choose yes, and even if the timing’s not great I just don’t know when it will be any better, and I can’t even imagine… you know… not my child, not Josh’s child… not just because it’s inconvenient. 

Oh god…. thoughts keep flying through my brain, and I can’t seem to get a grip on that slippery little plastic thing. 

What’s Josh going to say? 

What’s the First Lady going to say? 

What’s my mother going to say?

My mother’s going to ask if we’re going to get married?……and what’s the matter with me, don’t I know how to use birth control?..... and do I want to come home?…because even though it’s been ten years she still doesn’t understand that this is my home, and truth be told she’s not that fond of Josh anyways, so this would be just another way of pointing out that he’s not that great a choice for me….like there was ever really any other as far as I’m concerned…

The truth is the only person I know that I’m sure will be unreservedly happy is Josh’s mom. If it didn’t feel like such a huge betrayal I’d phone her before I tell Josh.

Telling Josh….right…. The next step.   
Right after I get this thing out of the drain.

I’m running over wording in my head… trying it out… and since I can’t really figure out how I feel about this whole baby thing myself, it is totally beyond my capability to figure out how he’s going to react. 

Do I say we? 

Do I say I?

Do I start with ‘Remember two weeks ago in Paris when I said I was pretty sure we were okay even if we didn’t have a condom’……

And then I hear his key in the lock, and front door open, and I just have time to realize that explaining to a plumber is really the second last thing I want to do, before he yells “Donna?” and the words “In here..” fly out of my mouth.

Although really, what else am I going to do? Say nothing while he prowls the apartment calling me and checking every room as I frantically explore the bath tub drain? 

I don’t think so.

I look up and he’s leaning against the doorframe with a quizzical look on his face.

“Anything I can help you with?” I ask.

“I was about to ask the same,” he grins.

“No. I think I’m good.”

“I think you’re very good,” he shoots back and I find myself wondering if dimples are a dominant or recessive genetic trait before I realize it.

“Dammit” I say as the test wand drops a little farther down.

“Something in the drain?”

“Ah.. yeah.”

“What?”

“Um… a thing”

What kind of thing… oh”…. and I realize that he’s seen the box on the edge of the counter, and suddenly it’s very quiet. 

“Donna?”

I look up at him.

“Did you actually, you know, use it before ah...” he gestures at the tub.

I nod slowly.

“And?” he prompts.

“There was a little happy face on it.”

“Happy face meaning good?”

“I guess that depends on your point of view.” I say falteringly.

“Donna, for the love of God, yes or no?”

“Yes?” I say hesitantly 

Spontaneously he breaks into a smile, and I just have time to take a deep breath for what feels like the first time in about an hour before he hauls me up out of the tub and kisses me so long and hard I almost faint. 

Which makes me think he’s okay with this… 

Well that’s one thing I can stop worrying about, at least. 

And then in the back of my conscious mind I hear a little rattling sound as the test wand slips down beyond reach.


	2. Holding My Breath

Title: Testing the Water   
A/N- takes place after Undue Influence… but before Sneaking In.   
Disclaimers: Not mine. Not at all.  
Feedback: please oh please

Testing the Water   
Chapter 2: Holding My Breath

I am screwing up here. I am screwing up big time, but I’m not exactly sure how. I should be really happy… No, we should be really happy and Donna’s barely speaking to me.

I was awake most of last night. Not that that is really unusual. I am the Prince of Insomnia. A little stress… a little pressure… I’m awake. And mostly that’s good. I don’t really need that much sleep, and I get a lot of work done. When it’s really bad Donna is the one who de-stresses me…and no, it’s not always that. Sometimes she just paints the big picture for me… well, not exactly that either… it’s more like paints the little picture… focuses the lens. Makes me look at the people, instead of the politics. Sometimes she just tells me not to be a jackass... and sometimes, yes, sex is involved. 

Well, more often than not really. But that’s how we got here. And by we, I mean all 2.5 of us. And now I… well…we… have a problem to solve.

It started yesterday morning….well it started the night before … with the pregnancy test… but really I thought we were all right. I mean… I was all right. It was a surprise, but…no not even that really… ‘cause Paris was pretty intense. There was a lot of stress….and I wasn’t expecting to… oh, whatever…I just thought we’d take a chance and deal with things as they happen and … well, I guess I miscalculated. But even yesterday morning started out kind of sleepy and sexy and sweet, until I picked up the phone and started dialing long distance.

“You’re calling your Mom?” I stopped for a moment. 

“Yeah”

“You don’t think she’s going to be upset?”

“Yeah, I’m trying to decide which one is going to make her shriek less with glee ‘Mom, Donna’s pregnant, and we’re getting married’ or ‘ Mom, we’re getting married and Donna’s pregnant’ I’m thinking I should go with the first one… best to lead with the grandchild info, don’t ya think?”

“Who said anything about getting married?”

Okay... so that stopped me cold. I actually started to stutter. “I, I, I I just assumed…”

“Well you know what assumed does Joshua…” and then she just got up and went into the bathroom and turned on the shower.

So I made coffee.

And thought about my next strategy. 

So why didn’t we get married before? I don’t know… because I didn’t think it mattered…. No, really… getting married isn’t going to change the way I feel, or my level of commitment. I mean I dealt with all the legal stuff right after the inauguration. I’m a lawyer, not a moron… although Toby says those two words mean the same thing…. I know what needs to be sorted out legally. I changed my will, changed the title on my apartment and the Connecticut property, sorted out the life insurance stuff. I know what to do. I just think babies need more than that. They need unquestioned legal identities. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I always thought Donna and I would get married… but there was no big pressure…except now. And I don’t think it’s really even just about the baby. 

There was this moment… when I saw the empty box on the bathroom counter…. I got this kind of rush….. all I could think was family…we’re going to be a family… we’re going to get married and I’m going to get to say ‘My wife and kid..’ and my brain was kind of exploding. And this voice in the back of my head, which actually sounded remarkably like my father, said ‘You should have done this a long time ago.’

So when she came out of the bathroom yesterday morning I handed her a cup of coffee and said, “So, I’m thinking on Tuesday we can go see the Chief Justice. I’ll call and see if she has room in her schedule. I can get a license by then.”

She sniffed at the coffee, and kind of wrinkled her nose, and then walked over to the sink and poured it down the drain.

“Just like that?”

“Yeah. Just like that. You see how easy it is? Sam’s going to be our witness… well, I think he is…. I haven’t asked him yet, but I’m thinking he’ll say yes.”

“I don’t have time on Tuesday,” she said, “and I’m going in early this morning; the First Lady has a thing at the new child care centre, so I’ll see you later.”

So that’s when I began to suspect…. I’m screwing up.


	3. The Deep End

Title: Testing the Water   
A/N- takes place after Undue Influence… but before Sneaking In.   
Disclaimers: Not mine. Not at all.  
Feedback: please oh please

Testing the Water   
Chapter 3: The Deep End

Oh, God this has got to be the worst. It’s like the actual confirmation; the knowledge that I truly am pregnant has triggered every stereotype I can imagine. Even the smell of coffee makes me nauseated, and there was no way this morning I was going to keep anything down. Just brushing my teeth was enough to make me gag, and all the horrible ‘morning sickness all the time’ stories my sister Deanna told me flooded into my head. I’m so totally wiped out from the day that I can hardly think straight.

Today was a gong show. The First Lady had a child care centre to open and an afternoon event with representatives from Women in the Arts and I’ve been operating on no food and about 25% of my brain cells. I’ve been drinking water and Gatorade (which I hate with a passion, but at least it has electrolytes in it), but the only solid food I’ve managed to keep down was a bowl of instant Cream of Wheat that I grabbed from the mess at around 11 AM.

According to my research morning sickness is an issue only for western civilizations. Some sources indicate it’s a psychological thing… ambivalence leads to morning sickness, which leads to more ambivalence I suppose. Except I’m not feeling ambivalent… no really… I want this baby… our baby. It’s just the change part I’m not very good with. I like to cruise along at a comfort level until something jolts me out of it.  
Well, there’s a pattern I can see over and over again in my life…. Kevin ‘Freeride’ Saunders… Josh and me….the Bartlet Whitehouse… Me and Josh….and here we are, being jolted, and I’m not really ready. I don’t want things to change, and I know they’re going to.

Oh God! We’re going to have to talk about this, Josh and I. I mean really talk… and we’re not good at that. We end up falling all over our words and our feelings… it’s brutal really. 

Josh isn’t home until late tonight, and I’m so exhausted I crawl into bed as soon as I get home.

You know, last night I thought everything was alright. I thought we were okay. I mean we did what we usually do…. Physical contact…. Total acceptance everything is good. Body language…That’s us. 

But then this morning I get Josh going off the deep end… before we even have any kind of discussion he’s phoning his mother to tell her… and it’s not that I don’t want to tell Judith… I do… I just thought we’d talk about it first. Maybe have a discussion about what would be best for us. Josh’s mom, Judith…. She’ll be happy no matter what. My parents on the other hand… that will be another story. I know Judith spreads guilt around like cream cheese on a bagel, but she’s above board about it all. My mother is all about guilt by incompetence.

‘Oh darling… I could have told you he didn’t love you…. Oh Donnatella, how did I raise such a gullible child?...Oh sweetheart, there was no way you could finish that degree… Oh Donnatella, I’m sure you do your best, but it’s really just a secretarial position isn’t it.’

And now it will be ‘Oh Donnatella, that’s not a very good foundation for a marriage…’ and in a way I guess she would be right.

I am so tired, and my head is spinning, and finally I have to get up and throw up and then cry for awhile…In a way I’m glad Josh isn’t home because I really need to decompress here. We just need to have a bit of time to sort this out for ourselves, before we talk to other people. But everything today seems jangled, and I can’t seem to get back in tune with myself, let alone with Josh.

My head is pounding and I get up again and take a couple of Tylenol and that puts me so out that I don’t even hear Josh come in, I just feel him crawl into bed. I surface just enough to snuggle up to him, and feel his arms wrap around me. And I’m thinking we’re okay… we’re here together and it feels good. We can sort this out later.


	4. Treading Water

Title: Testing the Water   
A/N- takes place after Undue Influence… but before Sneaking In.   
Disclaimers: Not mine. Not at all.  
Feedback: makes my socks roll up and down

Testing the Water   
Chapter 4: Treading Water

We had a security briefing last night, and by the time I got home she was asleep, and I thought that was maybe on purpose, but when I crawled into bed she rolled over, wrapped herself around me, said “Hey” in this sleep addled voice, and then put her head down on my chest and fell back to sleep. And I’m not waking her up.

Now I’m not above waking Donna up for no particular reason, I mean… time was I used to do it for sport, but the truth is it’s kind of a crap shoot as to whether I’m going to get sweet, sexy Donna, or tired, ticked off Donna, and somewhere in the web research I did today it said pregnant women need more sleep and are prone to sudden mood swings, and truthfully, I’m not risking it. Oh god.. I’m starting to sound like Sam.

Instead I just lay there with my arms around her, and my mind going about a million miles an hour. Thoughts are ricocheting around my brain like a pinball machine run by a kid with A.D.D. I played though every scenario I could think of. Big wedding… small wedding….no wedding….I thought about the size of this apartment and how we’d really need to move...I thought about what to say to Lou….to the President…to Sam… to my mother. I thought about daycare and nannies and staying home and what everyone was going to say or do… believe me, I ran through it all…. I was thinking she wasn’t totally pissed off at me, or she wouldn’t be asleep in my arms. So when the alarm went off and she kind of jolted awake I had a whole speech planned out. 

It didn’t really go how I had planned.

“Donna, you need to listen to me. We need to do this right away, so it doesn’t turn into some kind of stick for the Christian right. God, Mary Marsh would have a field day with this one. I mean we don’t want to be in a place where the status of our relationship turns out to be the story of the week.”

“Is that all you’re worried about? How this is going to play in the press?”

“No… I mean we were going to get married anyways…” 

“Were we? It’s funny, but I don’t remember having that conversation.”

She’s right… we never did. We don’t talk about things like that really. We talk around things. We side swipe topics. We glance off areas that are sensitive. We turn it into politics or physical contact. We tease. We deflect. When we talked about living together and working together…. how we were going to make that work; really we talked about policy, and how the First Lady’s office and the West Wing were going to work together. We talked about time… time for work, time for each other… we never talked about marriage or family. That’s not to say I didn’t think about it… I just really didn’t... I mean I was worried she’d say no. I thought we’d just do this step by step. And see, this... this is what I was afraid of…here we are… operating without a net. 

I’m so afraid of falling.

I try again.

“We need to talk to Lou.”

“No. We don’t.”

“She’s the Communications Director. I'm pretty sure she'd expect to be our first call.”

“This is Lou, not C.J. and you’re the Chief of Staff to the President of the United States, not the Deputy. You don’t have to say anything… and as I don’t work in the West Wing I don’t have to ask her advice at all… and I’m not going to. This is about us.”

Damn. I should have woken her up last night. She starts to get out of bed, but I grab her by the arm. “Donna… you have to marry me…”

She gives me a look of ice and says very quietly, “I don’t have to do anything, Josh. No one tells me what to do anymore. Not even you.” She pulls away and heads into the bathroom where I can hear her retching.

“Are you okay?” I ask tentatively.

“I’m fine Josh. This will go away after awhile.”

“Do you want coffee?”

“Not at all. Even thinking about it…” She retches again, and then I hear the shower running.

An hour later we’re in the car, and I’m pretty sure she hasn’t eaten anything at all, and I’m not about to have a conversation here. She looks tired, and I take her hand and rub it gently. She looks at me with her eyes all solemn. I try anyway.

“What do you want me to do?” I say in a low voice.

“Figure it out Josh. It’s not that difficult”

Oh no. This is some kind of emotional puzzle. There’s a code here that I don’t quite get. And these are still murky waters for me. 

I must look totally bewildered because she sighs. Then she pats my leg in a conciliatory kind of way and says, “Look Josh, we’ve both got a lot going on. Focus on your day. We’ll talk about it later.”

Focus on my day… right. This is my day….this is pretty well all I can think about… until we get to the office and the see my call sheet. That’s when I find myself packing all those emotions into a box, and holding the lid down while I deal with the world at large. I have a feeling I’m being pretty brusque ‘cause I catch a couple of telegraphic type glances between Lou and Bram, but I’ve got other things to think about, and not a lot of time today. I really need to talk to someone about this.... but it really can't be anyone here in D.C... well other than Donna...but I don't seem to be getting very far in that direction.

******


	5. Learning to Swim

Title: Testing the Water   
A/N- takes place after Undue Influence… but before Sneaking In.   
Disclaimers: Not mine. Not at all.  
Feedback: please oh please

Testing the Water   
Chapter 5: Learning to Swim

So this morning was not a great start either. The first thing out of Josh’s mouth is all about political fallout, and I want to tell him to stop trying to spin this and let’s talk about us, but I know I’m not getting my point across, and I really feel awful. I’m hoping that a shower will clear some of the nausea but he keeps going on about spin. I need him to stop, just for a moment, because I know I’m really not responding well to the kind of reasoning that he’s bringing to the situation, and then he says “You have to…” and that’s when I snap. 

That was part of Kevin’s vocabulary.

‘Donna, you have to get a better job… Donna, you have to quit school… Donna you have to go shopping there’s no food in this house … Donna, you have to clean up around here, I’ve got a bunch of people coming over…Donna you have to go on the pill, I don’t want to be taking any chances….’ 

And I’m past all that.

Aren’t I? I really haven’t thought about it for years.

In Kevin’s world it was always all about him, never about me, and certainly never about us. And maybe that’s why this is so tangled up in my head. Sure Josh is all about ego and competition when it has to do with work; with politics… when it come to us he’s a puppy… and I don’t mean that like a lap dog,,,, I mean all love and eagerness and warm brown eyes and ready for the next thing…. As long as it’s not a serious conversation.

I think all I really want is for him to talk to me. To ask me, not tell me. We love each other, and we belong together, but I keep feeling like this is too soon, and I’m not ready for this. I just need Josh to realize that too. And maybe he does and doesn’t know how to say it… 

arghhhh….neither do I. 

I guess I need a little time myself. To figure out what I’m really feeling. To try and form some words of my own.

And then we’re in the car and I still feel awful, but at least we’re holding hands, and when he says, “What do you want me to do?” I can’t answer… I can’t just tell him…. Because the right words still aren’t there…so I end up telling him to figure it out for himself, and then I feel like crap because I’ve hurt him… 

again…

When I leave him at security I squeeze his hand and kiss him and say, “See you later.” And he pulls me back in and hugs me and kisses me again, which is really not our usual public display. I can see the worry in his eyes.

When I get to my office I have Erik check the schedule and tell him to keep lunch open for me. Maybe I’ll get it together enough this morning to have lunch with Josh, and we can have a conversation without me getting all wound up.

I try burying myself in the next set of policies that the first lady wants us to deal with. But it has to do with early childhood and support for mothers and children at risk, and I barely make it through the first two pages before I’m falling apart.  
Again.

I finally just close the file and put my head down on my desk to think for awhile. I don’t even really know what I want anymore. 

No wait.

I do. 

I want Josh. I want us. We’re survivors, the two of us, and this baby….our baby, is proof… I want our child… I just don’t want to deal with any of the stuff surrounding it… not the politics, not the publicity, not the explanations, not my parents. 

I guess that’s probably not going to happen. 

And that’s when I realize that really Josh and I have been together for more than ten years. We’ve been through pretty much everything in our relationship you can imagine… crises, illness, affairs, separation…We just haven’t done things in a traditional order. 

We never have. 

I pull over an index card and start making a list. 

1\. Sort things out with Josh  
2\. Make a Dr.’s appt.  
3\. Tell Judith  
4\. Tell Mom and Dad  
5\. Figure out what to do next (see 1)

It’s kind of a stupid list, but it makes me feel like I’m back in control. I fold it in half and put it in the pocket of my suit jacket. I don’t really need to look at it. I just need to know that it’s there. 

So.

I call Ginger and ask for Josh’s available time this afternoon.

“Let’s see… I think he has some time at one… oops no, sorry Donna he’s blocked that off. You want me to look at tomorrow?”

I sigh. “No, that’s okay. What’s his end of day look like?”

“Um…Looks like his last meeting is at seven. Do you want me to see if he can squeeze you in earlier? He’ll have a few minutes in between things”

“No it’s okay. It needs some time. We’ll sort it out tonight.”

“Now you see, that’s an option that hasn’t been available to previous COS’s,” she’s smirking. I can tell. “Do you want to leave him a message?”

“No. It’ll keep. Thanks Ginger.”

I pull up my own calendar to see what’s next. That’s when I notice that Erik has filled the one o’clock slot with ‘Josh Lyman’. It makes me smile. I call Annabeth and push our two o’clock to two thirty. I’m starting to feel better, and not just my stomach either. It’s that synchronicity that we’ve got going. Things are starting to work out. Things are start to feel like normal.

******


	6. Cool Blue Ocean

Title: Testing the Water   
A/N- takes place after Undue Influence… but before Sneaking In.   
Disclaimers: Not mine. Not at all.  
Feedback: please oh please

Testing the Water   
Chapter 6: Cool Blue Ocean

The morning just keeps stacking higher and higher, but I’m desperate to get some time just to sort out my head a little. We’re dealing with the Appropriations bill and the stand down in Kazakhstan, and a senator who’s stepped so far over the line there’s likely to be criminal charges as well as an upcoming mini summit on Central America, so that pretty well fills my mind until we’re done Senior Staff. After my office empties out… and even Sam isn’t lingering today… I close my door and make a phone call.

I need a little help here, but my options are limited.

“C.J.?”

“Hey Sailor, how ya doin’?”

“Looking for advice,” I cut right to the chase.

“You know that’ll cost you…”

“Personal, not political.”

“And I’m the one you call?”

“Well, it’s either you or my mother...”

“Ouch… you are in trouble.”

“Have you talked to Donna?”

“Donna… hmm… Donna… she’s that irritating brunette that always sets you on edge isn’t she?”

Oh great!... I’ve got C.J. the stand up comedienne when what I need is my big sister. “You know you’re not even remotely funny, don’t you?”

“Oh come on Mary-Anne… What is it?”

Oh hell… I’ve called her now... I might as well go for it.

“Donna’s pregnant.”

“Wow! That’s great! Congratulations!”

And then there’s a pause, as the penny drops.

“Wait… why are you calling… why isn’t she calling… is there something wrong?”

Oh god.. that hadn’t even occurred to me! “Yes… no…I don’t know…it’s too soon… we’re not telling anyone yet.”

“All evidence to the contrary. ..Josh, you just told me, so what’s up?”

I sigh heavily. “Donna doesn’t want to get married.”

“What?... Of course she does…I mean, if it was one of your other questionable girlfriends I’d say..”

“C.J!” I warn.

“This is Donna, mi amore… You just messed up somehow.”

“I know… I know I did… I mean we have to... the political fallout would be horrendous.”

“Joshua?” There is a warning in her voice.

“What?”

“You didn’t just say that…”

“What?”

“The political fallout?”

“Well it would!”

“You didn’t say that to Donna did you, you idiot?”

“Not in so many words, no…” 

“You want to get married to avoid some political thing?”

“No!” I protest, “I want to get married so we’ll be a family.. I want to get married because I love her..”

“Did you tell her that?”

“Not exactly…”

C.J. sighs. She asks the next question slowly and clearly…Like I’m an eight year old… and not a very bright one at that. 

“And what did she actually say when you asked her?”

Oh my god. I am a moron.

“Josh?” I hear C.J. say, “Are you still there?”

“What? Yeah…um… I may have figured it out.”

“You want to give me a clue Lover Boy, or are you just going to run with it?”

“I’ll call and let you know.”

“So what do I get?”

“What do you mean, what do I get?”

“For consultation… An invitation to the wedding? The christening… or whatever it is you do? Favorite aunt status?”

“Did you invite me to your wedding?”

“We didn’t invite anyone. We did however invite you to the party…. But it seems to me you had some kind of moronic excuse… running the country or something...” She laughs and it’s warm and friendly. “It’ll be okay Josh. You love each other. Trust me. You can work it out.”

I make another phone call… this one to Donna’s assistant, some smarmy blonde treasure named Erik, or Evan or something like that, and ask for her first available half hour. 

“Um, she has an hour at one Mr. Lyman, but she told me to leave it open.”

“I’ll take the whole hour. I’ll come to her.”

“But...”

“I’ll take the whole hour,” I say as clearly as I can through gritted teeth.

“Yes sir.”

And then the world starts pounding at the door, in the shape of Sam and Lou who both have issues with the Appropriations bill, but for totally different reasons, and by the time I get us all back on the same page I’m late for a meeting with the Attorney General, and things just snowball from there.

When I finally make it over to her office I’m a quarter of an hour… nearly twenty minutes late. Her assistant barely looks up at me.

‘She’s not here Mr. Lyman”

“Dammit,” I snap at the little weasel, “Where is she?”

“She waited for awhile sir… uh, then she went for a walk…” he says shakily. “She said you’d know where…”

I turn and go, because the little rodent is right. I do know where.

She’ll be where she always goes when she wants a little time, or a little space… or if she just needs to clear her head. 

I can see her by the fountain. I walk towards her, trying to look like I’m just out for a stroll… like I never expected to find her here. She’s watching me approach, and I can tell she’s not falling for it. There’s a warm wind blowing her hair, and she tries to smooth it back as I get close.

“What a coincidence,” I say, “us meeting here like this.”

“Took you long enough.”

“I had to take a call….” I start to explain, but she cuts me off.

“I don’t mean that.”

“Oh……Oh! Right. Well, apparently I needed a tune up.”

She sighs, “Yeah, me too….Your mother?”

“C.J. But in all fairness I figured it out for myself.”

I look into her eyes, trying to see ahead a little, and there are no storms there, just calm blue water.   
I ask one of many questions I should have asked in the last couple of days. 

“How are you feeling?”

She looks at me kind of ruefully. “I think I’m okay. I had a little ‘Come to Jesus meeting’ all on my own.” She looks past me, and then back into my eyes. “I guess we really need to talk…. To each other.”

“Well, maybe not talk, so much as ask.” I admit.

I grab her hands and pull her away from the noise of the fountain.  
“Come over here so I’m not actually yelling.”

“You don’t have to yell. You just have to say it out loud.”

I take a deep breath. “You see, here’s the thing… they didn’t cover this at Harvard or Yale… I kind of don’t know how to do the next step…” 

“They don’t cover this anywhere Josh,,, You just make it up…You just wing it.”

I swallow hard. “I want to marry you because I want us to be a family… Because I want our children to have two caring and responsible parents… you notice how I slipped children in there instead of child? … But mostly it’s because I love you, and I can’t imagine not being with you, and I want to promise that in some kind of legal, binding way… and I don’t really give a shit about the Mary Marshes or how Lou handles it, or what it does to the numbers, and if you want to wait and have a great big wedding that’s fine by me… although legally it would be better for the baby if…it’s just that…You need to know that right here…” I make a vague hand gesture between us, “this is really where I want to be…”   
I take her face in my hands and look her in the eyes. “Donna, you know that I love you…. Will you marry me… please?”

She nods. 

“Oh no…” I say, “You have to answer out loud. If I have to ask out loud, you have to answer out loud.”

“Yes,” she says simply. Then she puts her arms around my neck and kisses me, right there on the mall. “I think I just wanted you to ask me… not tell me. I wanted it to be about us, not about the news cycle.” She puts her head down against my shoulder and says into my neck, “I wanted us to talk... but I didn’t know what to say. I want us to still be us.”

I have my arms wrapped around her, and it feels like I can breathe for the first time in two days.   
“I can’t imagine that will change.”

“But you don’t know that, do you.”

“I just know this is what needs to be next.” I pull back and look at her for a moment. “We’ve been through everything else…How hard can this be?”

“I have no idea.” 

“So…Would Tuesday be okay?” I ask.

“We can negotiate that.”

That makes me smile. “Negotiating is what I do best”

“No,” she says sweetly, “Negotiating is what you do second best.”

And then I have to kiss her.

End

Thanks for reading guys!


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